pink poodles & whiskey

Hello there. Frankly, I’m a little tired of the whole “Oh, hey! It’s been a while.”, so let’s skip that whole thing. Here’s what we haven’t discussed:

1. I’m officially a Los Angelino (is that right?). The apartment is beautiful and I’ve learned that I’m basically a budget-minded Nate Berkus (maybe that’s point 1.5).

2. I am currently unemployed (although I currently have some leads).

3. After 9 months of working towards getting a freelance commercial agent, I am agent-less. That’s what happens when you decide to move cross-country, I suppose.

4. My daily existence no longer involves seeing my parents or the notorious fuzzy baby :( (That’s so sad it deserved the dreaded emoticon)

5. I live with a boy. Yes, I am cohabiting with MS. If only the old, 23 year old Ashley could’ve seen me now. I think she’d be proud… and confused.

6. I have a car! My very first, leased on my own credit car! It’s awesome!

Now, while none of these are bad (Except #4. #4 makes me really sad. Again, note the emoticon), and are actually quite exciting, I guess this is why I haven’t updated in so long. I’ve learned a couple of essential things about myself through all of this though. Let’s take a look, shall we?

1. I have major anxiety. A couple of real-deal panic attacks and some Xanex’s later, I’ve discovered this.

2. I am actually, and incredibly surprisingly, stronger than I had every previously thought. There have been a number of times through all of the moving prep that I didn’t even think I’d be able to leave my family. I’ve done it. Maybe I haven’t done it totally on my own, and I have MS as a crutch in a way, but I’m here, and I’m working on it, and I didn’t let the fear stop me.

3. I have decent enough credit to lease my own car!!!

So that’s all. My anxiety-ridden self has spent 2 days writing this damn blog entry, for God sake. I’ll update again this week with any progress.

xo

Oh hey. Fancy meeting you here. Ready for a quick month in review? Ooooookay…. GO!

The play went off pretty much without a hitch. I made all of my money back and I even made a teeny profit and paid my people what was made. L.A. is definitely happening and it looks like it’ll be happening in July. It’s been decided that MS is coming with (which I guess now makes any past reference of him in the blog slightly more significant).

That was quick, huh?

I’m heading to L.A. tomorrow morning to find our new little place. Once again I’m learning ANOTHER lesson in letting go of control and chilling out. I’ll be there looking at neighborhoods, etc. and considering that the last time I had to find a place was my senior year of college, I’m a little nervous— no credit (really) and no real rental history.

Anyway, I’m sure it will be fine and it’s only a year in place. I want to walk in some charming little garden apartment, feel that “aaahhhh” feeling, apply and call it ours. It can’t be that hard… right?

Wish me luck! xo

“Lowe’s never been one to seek comfort, though. Good thing, too, since his chosen field, show business, forces people into discomfort pretty much all the time.”